Darlin'
by Kiira13
Summary: Zevran is gone, and Elisarae Mahariel will need help from her dearest friend if she is ever going to come alive again. A songfic based on the lyrics of 'Darlin' by Avril Lavigne. Part of my 'Sing me a love song' collection. Critiques and comments greatly appreciated!


**Darlin'**

_Darlin', you're hiding in the closet once again_

_Start smiling, I know you're trying real hard_

_Not to turn your head away, pretty darlin'_

_Face tomorrow, tomorrow's not yesterday, yesterday_

As I entered the cottage, I heard the sound of soft sobs. I waited for a moment in the doorway, not wanting to intrude on anything. But the sobbing continued, with no comforting voice to be heard. I frowned and cautiously walked into the main room of the tiny house. I listened hard and followed the distressed sounds into their bedroom. The room was small and quaint, with an elfroot growing in a pot in the corner and a painting of an oak tree forest hanging above the bed. Definitely Elisarae's work. I recognised the brush style in the flowing strokes, a technique that had been enhanced with Sten's hours of observation and insight. But my eyes did not rest for long on the painting; instead they were drawn to the wardrobe leaning against one of the walls. I walked over to it and pulled open the door.

She was curled into a ball on the floor, her arms wrapped tight around her legs and her forehead resting on her knees. At the creaking sound of the door, her head whipped up and I saw the glistening tears flowing down her cheeks. "Leliana," she murmured thickly, "I knew you'd come."

Then her head fell back down onto her knees and her whole body shook as the tears continued to fall. I knelt down beside her and tentatively placed my hand on her shoulder. "Hey, hey..." I crooned, rubbing her back slowly, "Tell me what happened."

She shook her head - braids wriggling over her pointed ears, then lifted an arm and gestured over to the far wall. I turned around and saw a piece of parchment attached to the wooden boards. I stood up and went for a closer look. The paper was pinned to the wall with a wicked looking dagger in one corner and an arrow in the other. I recognised both. The arrow was Elisarae's, the Dalish craftsmanship was unmistakable. And the dagger... it was Zevran's. She had given it to him – it was the Rose's Thorn. I looked down at the writing and my eyes widened as I read;

_My love,_

_Even as I write this, my heart bleeds. If I had waited and said goodbye, you would not have let me go – this I know. I never wanted to be parted from you, but I have to pay a visit to the Crows. As long as they hunt me I will never be able to live with you in peace. You said you would come with me when the time came, but I cannot allow you to follow me into danger and possible death. You are the most important thing in my life, I could not bear to have you torn from me. If I fail, know that you are the one reason I lived. But if I succeed, I will be back beside you as soon as my knife has pierced each of their hearts._

_Elisarae, I am yours – now and until death has died._

_Zevran_

A tear formed in my eye and slid down my cheek.

_Pretty please, I know it's a drag_

_Wipe your eyes and put up your head_

_I wish you could be happy instead_

_There's nothing else I can do_

_But love you the best that I can_

Elisarae's arms were locked around me in a grip like iron as she sobbed against my neck. She told me about how she had woken one morning to find Zevran missing and the note on the wall. I knew as well as she did that it would be impossible to track him down, he would not so much leave as disappear.

What disturbed me the most was the fact that he had left behind The Rose's Thorn. It was a remarkable weapon, possibly the finest dagger I had ever seen, and I had seen too many to count.

I reviewed the different motives that would make him leave it behind, calling upon my bard training. Elisarae had given it to him, and there was an inscription on the side. So if the Crows found it, it would link back to her. But the only way it could ever be taken from Zevran was if they took it from his corpse. Zevran's fighting skills were formidable, not to mention his assassination techniques and his stealth and speed – I had seen them in action firsthand. If he had been scared enough for Elisarae's safety to leave the knife behind, it would mean that the enemy to be faced may be even more skilled than he was. A truly frightening thought.

I wasn't sure if this had occurred to her yet, but for the Maker's sake, I wasn't about to point it out.

I grasped Elisarae's arms and pulled her off me so that I could look into her eyes. "Listen to me." I said, me voice soft but firm, "He loves you, I know he does, I've seen him. After the Blight, after you two left, he looked like the happiest person in the world. He is going to come back."

She nodded and whispered, "I know"

Then she wiped the tears from her eyes and gave me a small smile. "Thank you, Leliana."

_Darlin', I was there once a while ago_

_I know that it's hard to be stuck_

_With people that you love_

_When nobody trusts_

I had only ever seen her cry once before. She didn't cry when she was hurt, when she killed the archdemon, or even when the Dalish were given their own lands. She did not often show emotion, it was hard to even make her smile.

She occasionally smiled when Alistair made one of his sarcastic jokes, when she painted with Sten, when Morrigan came out of her shell, while she patted her silly Mabari, when I told her stories and, of course, with Zevran. Those smiles were different from the others; they were warm and full of light. It was as if the Maker Himself was illuminating her whole body. They made me reaffirm my faith in His love. But He was not always so kind to her.

The first time she cried was after she had been forced to kill the shriek that had been her dearest friend Tamlen. She had fallen to her knees, staring at the black blood on her hands when the tears started to roll down her face. I was shocked. She was the strongest person I had ever met in my life, to see her cry was enough to leave me dumbstruck.

But not Zevran, he knelt beside her and wiped away her tears, whispering to her softly. I knew that he loved her then. I had suspected it for a while, but he was so unreadable it was hard to tell. But the expression on his face then was impossible to fake. Such emotion, such tenderness.

I knew without doubt that she loved him, but I think she was afraid of her own feelings. She was far too practical to indulge in pointless romanticism with an assassin that none of her companions trusted.

But the depth of love between them could not be denied, and the full strength of it was released when Zevran knelt next to her and dried her tears.

_Pretty please, I know it's a drag_

_Wipe your eyes and put up your head_

_I wish you could be happy instead_

_There's nothing else I can do_

_But love you the best that I can_

It was a long while before I could start convincing her to take an interest in life again. She was staying for hours at a time in her wardrobe, sobbing softly and refusing food or water. It was painful to see my dearest friend like this, there was no life in her eyes – she just drifted from room to room. Staring but not seeing, just existing. I stayed with her day and night, singing song after song, watching as she slowly woke up.

She started eating again, and went about her tasks in a routine way, still not talking much. I helped wherever I could, but it seemed that my presence was enough to pull her out of her abyss of sadness and back to herself. Her practicality could never condone this uselessness on her part. She needed to be doing things in order to heal.

One morning I found her sitting in front of a large canvas, paintbrush in hand. There was nothing on the white cloth except for three elven runes painted in strong lines with black ink. Elisarae was staring at them, and there were tear tracks on her cheeks. I came up behind her and put a tentative hand on her shoulder.

"What does it say?"

"Nahaara shiran laressa."

She looked up at me and smiled through her tears, watery eyes gleaming. She hadn't smiled for weeks.

"Thank you for everything, Leliana. You are a dear friend."

She wiped her cheeks and stood up, crossing to her bow propped up in the corner of the room.

"I'm going hunting for a while, I'll be back soon."

As she walked out the front door I asked, "What do they mean, the runes?"

She smiled.

"There is only now."

_And you're not the only one who's been through_

_I've been there alone and now so are you_

_I just want you to know, want you to know_

_It's not your fault, it's not your fault_

As time went on, I found myself thinking of Marjolaine. She had broken my heart into a thousand sharp-edged fragments and poisoned my soul. At the time I was too busy fighting for my life to feel anything but rage and betrayal. But as the days passed in solitude, the tears broke through and I began to wish for death. If I hadn't found the Chantry and the Maker, I would have lain down and died in the mud by the wayside. All of my love for her turned to poison and burned through me like fire, leaving nothing but emptiness and pain. I was all alone in an unfamiliar land with nothing but the clothes on my back and her taint within.

The sisters in the Chantry took me in and gave me someone to talk to for the first time since escaping Orlais. Slowly I began to see that Marjolaine was an evil, soulless harpy who had never loved me in the first place. All of my sorrow and pain would achieve nothing except make her happy. She thrived on the misery of others, and I would feed her no longer.

She was gone from my life, and I could start to live it at last.

I looked over at Elisarae, sitting in front of her easel. She was painting, the ghost of a smile on her lips. She was living again too.

She sensed my eyes on her and looked up.

"What's wrong?"

"I was just thinking about Marjolaine."

"She hurt you badly, didn't she?"

"I almost died."

"It wasn't your fault."

"And this isn't yours."

She stared deep into my eyes, unblinkingly, for several long moments. Then her gaze drifted slightly out of focus, she wasn't seeing me anymore. Slowly one hand lifted her brush back up to the canvas and she looked down at her painting. She smiled.

"No, no it isn't."

I laughed and started humming a soft tune.

_Pretty please, I know it's a drag_

_Wipe your eyes and put up your head_

_I wish you could be happy instead_

_There's nothing else I can do_

_But love you the best that I can_

"El? Where are you?"

"Up here" called a voice from the trees above me.

I scanned the foliage in the upper branches of the giant oaks for some sign of the little elf. I searched for a movement, a sound, a flash of hair or skin, all in vain. When she was in the forest, she was invisible.

"I give up, you win again!"

Laughter and a rustle of leaves preceded a muffled thump as she dropped to the leafy ground behind me.

"How the humans drove us from Arlathan I shall never know, we can hear you coming a mile off."

I spun around, grinning from ear to ear. She was happy and healthy and completely herself once again. There was nothing else I could do for her anymore. It was time for me to move on.

"Elisarae, I think it's time for us to part. This past year, you woke up. You are happy again, there's not much more I can do."

She slowly moved forward to put her hand on my arm.

"If you need to go, I will not stop you."

I wrapped my arms around her and hugged her close to me, resting my cheek on her soft braids. We held each other in the forest clearing, the midday sunlight filtering through the leaves and bathing us in a soft glow. Eventually I broke the hug and leant forward to kiss her gently on the forehead. I rested my palm on her cheek, stroking the delicate lines of her tattoo with my thumb.

"Don't cry, my dear friend. Smile. The Maker will bring him back to you, and I will see you both again as soon as I can."

She took my hand off her face and wrapped it in her slender fingers.

"Thank you for everything, Leliana. I owe you my life."

I embraced her once more and then walked back through the trees, turning back to wave goodbye. She stood in the dappled light of the forest, arms wrapped around her torso, tears in her eyes but a smile on her face.

_**Darlin', you're hiding in the closet once again**_

_**Start smiling**_

The muscles in my arms burned as I drew the bowstring back to my ear. I gazed down the length of my arrow and slowly exhaled. I blinked once, slowly, and loosed the arrow. It flew through the air and buried itself into the neck of the elk by the riverbank. It lowed softly before collapsing to the ground and becoming still. I closed my eyes and sent a silent prayer to the god of hunting for the beast's safe passage to the Beyond. Then I jumped from the tree branch down to the earth below, my landing cushioned by the layer of moss and dead leaves. I dusted off my knees and made my way towards the river, listening for the sound of rushing water.

It was slightly too much to be bringing down an elk, Leliana was long gone and it would be too much meat for just me. But the hunt through the forest had been exhilarating. Tracking the herd through the trees far away from my cottage. Following the game trails as they wandered in between the ancient oaks. It made me feel truly alive. I was a hunter of the Elvenhan, this was what I was born for. I lived and breathed the trees and the sunlight and the sound of running water and the feeling of the bow in my hand. While I was hunting, it consumed me; there was no room for thought on the future. There was only me and my prey.

The rush of water filled my ears. I pushed aside a low-hanging branch and beheld the fallen elk. Its horns were length of my outstretched arms from fingertip to fingertip. If I circled its neck with my arms, my fingers wouldn't be able to touch. It was thick and muscled and… empty. My arrow was gone. Footprints were visible in the soft mud of the riverbank.

I immediately reached up to the quiver on my back and nocked an arrow, backing away from the elk and scanning the surrounding trees. I followed the tracks with my eyes, but they disappeared into the distance. Warily, keeping my bow at the ready, I began to follow them.

The prints led deeper into the forest, the trees were older and taller, very little sunlight filtered through the leaves and everything was hidden in the gloom. Perfect conditions for an ambush, but no one knew the forest better than me. A tree was quickly scaled and I continued to track the footprints from the height of the branches. The trunks stood close together so it was a simple matter to leap from one bough to another, keeping the prints in sight at all times lest I lose them in the dim light.

I followed them further and further, scurrying through the leaves as fast as I could. Suddenly I slowed to a halt; there were no tracks on the ground any more. I leapt from the tree and bent close to the ground, trying to pick up the trail. I backtracked through the undergrowth, eyes to the forest floor, looking or any sign. Then I found them again, but they did not turn or deepen or deviate in any way. They just stopped. Whoever made them was nowhere in sight.

I knelt down and brushed some fallen leaves out of the way, examining the last print for anything out of the ordinary. A blade of cold steel pressed against the back of my neck. I froze, if I moved it would slice through my skin like water.

"Whoever you are, you have bested me. At least have the decency to kill me quickly."

I closed my eyes.

"Are you sure you wouldn't want me to tie you up first?"

My eyelids flew open. There was no mistaking that voice.

"Zevran?"

The blade vanished and he lifted me up by the shoulders, turning me around to face him. His liquid amber eyes were shining with happiness.

"Ah my dear Warden, did you miss me?"

I flung my bow to the side and threw my arms around his neck, crushing my body to his and holding him so tightly I thought my ribs would break. His hands wrapped around my waist and drew us even closer. Then we were kissing and my very bones were on fire. My blood sang through my veins and my entire body revelled in the mere fact that I was in his arms again.

"You're safe, you're alive, you're here." I sang the words again and again as we ran our hands over each other, savouring the simple pleasure of touch.

"Elisarae…" He sighed, his rich accent rolling over my name in a tone that made me shudder with delight.

"They're all dead?"

"All the way up to the guild master. The rest were rather mad after that, sent an inept band of several dozen after me. As luck would have it I happened upon a woman who helped me fight them off. Hawke, I think her name was."

"All these years, not knowing…."

"Hush. I'm here, we are safe, and I will never leave you again."

Our lips met once more, a deep, passionate kiss that made my entire body melt. He broke the kiss to gaze at me with his glowing amber eyes. I sighed and stroked his angular face, tracing his cheekbones and the curve of his lips, brushing strands of blonde hair out of his eyes. I leant into his chest again, his arms drawing me in close to his body.

Slowly we toppled to the leafy ground, enveloped in each other's embrace. I crawled on top of him and brushed my lips against his.

"We will have to start catching up for lost time."

"You read my mind, my dear Warden."

I smiled.


End file.
